Celebrant Pam Vetter


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Articles Submit: Funeral Celebrants: Personalization Heals

by Pam Vetter

Everyone has attended a generic funeral service at least once in their life. It happens during the service when you're left wondering, "Who died? Who is this service for?" The service is cookie-cutter, impersonal, and unemotional. It leaves you feeling empty.

Now, imagine attending a funeral in which every element in the service is personalized to reflect someone's life story. You laugh, you cry, you are moved by emotions you didn't even know you had, and you feel you've honored and shared in someone's life. Those emotions have to come out and a Celebrant funeral service helps you begin to heal. Instead of walking through the motions, you participate in a significant funeral service to remember your loved one. There is recognition of someone's effect on your life through participation.

Certified Funeral Celebrants are creating new options for families who are faced with organizing a funeral service for their loved one. Celebrants listen to your stories, walk you through the process, and offer you options of music, readings, scripture, poems, ceremonies, and participation.

More than 750 people have been trained all over the world to be Certified Funeral Celebrants. Doug Manning and Glenda Stansbury, of the In-Sight Institute, travel to U.S. and Canadian cities year round, training clergy and non-clergy to become Certified Funeral Celebrants. The non-clergy include hospice workers, attorneys, funeral directors, writers, public speakers, and people from a variety of professions.

Glenda Stansbury, Dean of the In-Sight Institute, explains the problem, "Unfortunately, our societal experience of funerals in the past 30 years has been one filled with rituals that do not even acknowledge the person who has died and have a total lack of meaning, or a 'captive audience' philosophy by the clergy who take the stage to try to win the masses. Both approaches have turned people off from the funeral service and many people are opting out of the funeral experience all together without realizing the healing benefits that they are missing."

Beyond that, more people are not involved in any organized religion, creating a void for families who need a personalized funeral service. Stansbury agrees, "There is a growing segment of the population who has little or no affiliation with a church or a denomination. In the past, these families were given a minister for hire who did not know the family and usually showed up just in time for the service and read what was printed in the obituary. Celebrants bring a totally different agenda to the funeral -- they are there to serve the families, to honor the loved one and to produce a meaningful and memorable funeral experience without ties to a theology or a philosophy. Celebrants fill the gap."

One of Stansbury's former students, Certified Funeral Celebrant Pam Vetter, is available full-time to families in Los Angeles. "After the death of my sister and encountering road blocks to the funeral service she organized for herself, I realized the Celebrant movement was long overdue. We find ourselves in the year 2006 and I hear from families all the time who have gone through impersonal or trivialized funeral services. How can you get the moment back? You can't. In fact, a family the other day said an officiant who showed up the day of service to insert a name into a funeral two weeks ago, inserted the wrong name into the service. It was uncomfortable for everyone because he referred to the name of the woman sitting in the front row instead of using the deceased's name. Beyond that, no one knew how to stop him mid-service and correct the on-going error. No one should be forced to walk through the motions. If a family wants a personalized funeral service, they deserve it. Ask your funeral director for a Celebrant and they will try to find you one. My families love the Celebrant Funeral Service because it reflects someone's whole life. The thank you notes I receive are amazing. Being a Celebrant has given my life a whole new meaning."

Stansbury hears similar sentiments from many of her former students, "Celebrants are absolutely thrilled and honored with the opportunity to serve families in such a unique way. They feel such a sense of purpose in providing a funeral that fits the person and has meaning for the families. Celebrants are part of a new profession and plowing ground of recognition. The funeral homes that are using Celebrants on a regular basis are overwhelmed by the response and gratitude from the families who are being served."

Stansbury has earned her BS in Special Education, Master's work in Psychology and Adult Learning, and a BS in Funeral Service. Manning has been an author, speakers, and counselor in grief and elder care for the past 25 years and served as a minister and pastoral counselor for 30 years. Vetter, a former radio news anchor, continues her work as a Celebrant in Los Angeles.

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