Celebrant Pam Vetter


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Articles Submit: Remembering Our Lives: Discussing Our Funerals

by Pam Vetter

As we look back over our lives, we need to remember everything. We need to remember the good things that happened to us along with the struggles that made us who we are today. We need to share these stories with our loved ones. Then, we need to think about our final message we plan to leave behind.

There is no greater gift to our families than to discuss our wishes for our funeral because, in turn, it leaves our final message in our hands. By talking about our death, we are allowing our family to heal after it happens. Why? If we share our wishes for our funeral with our family, there will be no guessing game, there will be no guilt, and there will be no excessive expenditure in honoring our loved one. Instead, our families will remember our lives, honor our memory, and put our requested plans in place. It saves time, it saves money, and it saves our sanity because our loved ones will know exactly what we wanted.

There are questions to ask yourself. Do I want a special song played at my funeral? Do I want a special poem read at my funeral? Who do I want to do the eulogy? Do I want a special casket in which to be buried? Where do I want to be buried? Or do I want to be cremated? Do I want my ashes scattered in a special place or do I want them buried in a special location? Do I want my ashes to remain in an urn in a special place until my spouse passes?

Death is inevitable for all of us. It is an unfortunate fact of life. But, we have control over our final message, sharing how we lived our life, details of the funny life stories and the trying moments that we rose above. Everything that happens in our life shapes us in so many ways. The difficult struggles do make us stronger sometimes and need to be remembered as well.

Talking about death is the right thing to do. Especially if you are elderly, you need to share details of your wishes with your children. There will be healing for those children who know exactly what their parents want when it comes to their passing. Beyond the elderly, there are many hospice patients who need to talk about their wishes. If they bring up the subject of their funeral, it is sometimes easier to change the subject than to listen. But, it is time we all listen to each other and share our wishes openly. Listening is key for everyone. If we really listen to our loved ones we will honor their wishes in the end. Being open about listening, even about our funeral wishes, is important to the family who will have to plan our funeral when the time comes.

No matter the age, everyone has a story to share. If we share our story and our wishes today, tomorrow will be an easier day.

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