Celebrant Pam Vetter


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Articles Submit: A Healing Farewell to Honor Georgia

by Pam Vetter

As "Georgia on My Mind," by Ray Charles, was playing in the funeral service, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house as everyone remembered 57-year-old Georgia Dorton’s life.

Georgia passed away unexpectedly the day before her 58th birthday in January 2006. Her daughters, Stacey Alourdas and Sheila Bailey, were left to organize a funeral service for their mother. In the midst of their grieving, Gates, Kingsley & Gates Praiswater Mortuary in Canoga Park, CA, suggested a personal approach by using a Certified Funeral Celebrant to conduct the service. Both daughters embraced the idea. Alourdas explained, "I never heard of a Celebrant until the day we had to set up a service for my Mom. The funeral director explained what a Celebrant did. My sister and I thought that would be a great way to do a service for our Mom, because we wanted to celebrate her life and make it as up-lifting as possible."

I am a Certified Funeral Celebrant who is active in the Celebrant movement. I met with the family at Bailey’s home one evening. I listened to Georgia’s life story from beginning to end. Alourdas was moved by the experience, "We met Pam just a short time after my Mom’s passing, so my sister and I were very emotional. The time spent with Pam was very valuable and the healing process was starting. We felt as soon as we started talking with her that she really cared about our loss and feelings about our Mom. She gave us reassurance that what we were doing was a great way to celebrate our Mom’s life. We told Pam what we would like to do and she took care of our wishes."

The day of service, everyone wore warmer colors instead of black, because it was a true celebration of Georgia’s life. The flowers included Georgia’s favorite roses. Georgia’s favorite music played in the background. Alourdas said the music was significant. "My mom loved Elvis Presley and in October, we took her to see Neil Diamond, whom she loved. That was her first and only concert. So, we played Elvis and Neil Diamond for the prelude and postlude. Pam suggested ‘Georgia on My Mind,’ by Ray Charles and it was so appropriate. During the DVD of memorial pictures we played her favorite song, ‘High Enough,’ from Damn Yankees. Our musical choices represented who my Mom was."

During the service, I detailed Georgia’s life stories. When Georgia was five years old, she fell into an abandoned well near her home and a neighbor rescued her. When she was thirteen years old, her mother passed away unexpectedly. I also told the story that Georgia conceived her first child in the back of a ’57 Chevy to which everyone shared smiles and laughter because they knew it was true. Finally, I explained how Georgia became a rescuer of others her entire life. She gave her daughters and everyone around her unconditional love and that came through in the service. Alourdas loved every moment because it was special. "When Pam spoke, she talked about my Mom as if she knew her. Pam talked about my Mom’s life stories in such an up-lifting way, whereas a typical funeral, it’s not as heart felt. The whole service was unique. The fact that we were able to play the music my Mom loved and show my Mom’s life in pictures was also an amazing tribute to her life."

A Celebrant is an option Alourdas would recommend, "because I feel that a Celebrant will give you more of a memorial that celebrates one’s life and helps with the healing process than in a typical funeral, which I feel, are mourning just the loss. It’s been a few weeks since the funeral and I’m still getting phone calls and e-mails from people who attended saying, ‘What a beautiful service.’ Several people said that even though they never knew my Mom, after Pam gave her tribute, they left feeling that they did know my Mom. I feel we honored the best traits of my Mom’s life because of her story as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, grandmother, friend, and the huge heart she had."

The service was concluded with her daughters’ final sentiments, "Georgia was colorful, loving and to her daughters, she was home." There is healing in being able to honor your loved one. Alourdas agrees, "I am moving forward, as difficult as it is without my mom, but having Pam as our Celebrant made the whole process much better for our closure and to help us move forward. I believe my Mom is very happy with the memorial we had for her. We wanted to show her we loved her and we did just that."

There are more than 750 Certified Funeral Celebrants in the U.S., Canada, and abroad. Former Baptist Minister Doug Manning and Glenda Stansbury, of the In-Sight Institute, conduct trainings in a variety of cities year round.

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